Hula Kahiko

[artmasters]

Here's one that I finished a couple of months ago. It is 8x10 graphite on paper. The title is 'O 'Oe Ku'u Lei Maka Mae which means "You Are my Sweet Lei". Of course this is a portrait of my wife Leilani. She had a modeling appointment in Southern Maui at an old lava flow. The photographer is Randy Jay Braun. He is a popular hawaiian photographer. I shot the ref photo for this drawing when she was on break between shoots. He also gave me permission to shoot my own photos during the shoot. I couldn't pass up that invitation. I was pretty proud of it when I finished it, but now I see things that I'd do differently. I guess that is what is supposed to happen. Hopefully it means that we've learned something and we're progressing.

Dave

[Denise]

Being an artist is all about improving, Dave. You did a great job on this...you have a gorgeous wife. You must be very proud of your family.

[Rose]

I love this picture, Dave!!! Your wife is a beauty.. wow.

[Brenda]

Just gorgeous, Dave! I love her lei with the darker leaves underneath and the lighter leaves on top.

She's a beautiful woman. I see why you are so proud of her.

[PaintedHorses]

Beautiful lady and a lovely drawing!

Jeri

[CindyH]

Wonderful drawing...as your's always are. Your wife is very lovely.

[Arlene]

so what would you do differently? ;) once you post, if you don't see what i'm seeing i'll show you.

[artmasters]

so what would you do differently? ;) once you post, if you don't see what i'm seeing i'll show you.

Wow, I guess there's no relaxing around here! :o What I would do differently is:

Darken the ferns on our right side of the lei on her head. The ferns in the front have more contrast-light to dark. The ferns on the side and back should be darker not lighter.

The hair strands on our left side are too much the same shape and thickness. They should vary in size and thickness to show a more natural apperance and not be so uniform.

Re-check the perspective on the mouth. It is a bit skewed IRL but I may have exagerated the axis too much.

The hair on our left side and towards the back should show more volume. It appears to be flat. (hmmm, maybe a different shampoo :D )

The bottom of the chin needs to follow the same angle in perspective as the
eyes & nose. (The mouth is mis-aligned).

Add shading under the ferns on the lei on her chest.

Give variety to the shape of the ferns on her chest. They look cookie cuutter stamped on.

The ref was taken on an overcast day. It lacks a strong lightsource, hence flattening out the whole composition.

Well, that about sums up what I would change. I'm anxious to hear what you would change. I included a sepia tone of the ref that I took to compare

Thanks, Dave

[Angela]

Holy Schniekies!! This is fabulous!!

[artmasters]

Thanks Angela for looking.

Arlene, I'm still curious to find out what you would do differently. I listed several things that I thought need work. It's always good to get a second opinion though.

Thanks, Dave

[lucky]

Hey Dave, Can't beleive I almost missed this....

Another beautiful drawing! Your work is always so wonderful. I am interested in hearing what Arlene sees too. I really like the gentle lighting on her face and how you kept the value transitions so smooth! And the leaves are fantastic! You are so good at detail!

You have such a beautiful family! great work as usual!